


A Hole Where the Lightning Went Through

by midoriverte



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, kaneki is severely depressed, mentions of scarring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10957989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: Kaneki will never understand Hide.





	A Hole Where the Lightning Went Through

Kaneki would never understand Hide. 

When Hide looked at Kaneki, Kaneki expected to see hatred in his eyes. He expected resentment, disgust. 

Maybe he expected it because he couldn’t understand how Hide could feel anything else. Maybe it was because he felt he deserved it. 

Instead all he saw in Hide’s eyes was a love he could not understand, a love Kaneki was sure was not capable of feeling.. 

Every time he looked at Hide his eyes went immediately to the scars that he’d left on his face. He couldn’t help but be filled with revulsion and he wasn’t entirely sure that it was only directed at himself.

He knew Hide could see him flinch whenever he touched him, still he looked at him as though he were the most beautiful thing in the world.

He wished Hide wouldn’t look at him that way. His love made him feel small.

Kaneki hated that Hide could see his misery written so plainly on his face. 

Whenever Kaneki was in a dark mood, Hide would brush his fingers through his hair, gently cup his face in his hands, and kiss him softly. 

Maybe Kaneki should have rejected the comfort, but they both knew he wouldn’t. 

One day when he couldn’t bear his guilt anymore, he told Hide everything, the words spilling out of him in a rush, close to tears but never quite crossing the line into crying. He couldn’t even give Hide that. 

_I don’t deserve you._

_I ruined your life._

_I don’t love you like you love me._

_I don’t love you._

Kaneki confessed his sins with something like pleasure. It felt good to finally let every horrible thought that had been weighing on him out into the open. 

He turned to Hide, expecting to finally see the anger, the hatred that he deserved in Hide’s eyes.  
Hide’s eyes were certainly filled with tears, but Kaneki was enraged to find that Hide was not angry. Instead, his eyes showed only pity. 

“I love you,: Hide said simply. He could no longer raise his voice, Kaneki’s attack had not only left him with a face marred by scars, but had destroyed his voice so that everything he said came out as a cracked whisper. 

Every time he told Kaneki he loved him, it was whispered like a secret, a confession.

Kaneki wanted to hit him, to shake him, to do anything to rattle him. 

“I don’t love you,” Kaneki repeated. Hide smiled sadly, hearing the way Kaneki’s voice shook. 

“I don’t believe you,” he said simply, in his hoarse voice. 

It was this, finally, that moved Kaneki to tears. Forgiveness even though he was unforgivable. Love even though he was unloveable. 

He didn’t remember moving, but he was in Hide’s arms, being rocked and held like a child as he wept onto him. 

“I don’t love you enough,” Kaneki whispered, finally speaking the truth. 

“Yes you do,” Hide whispered. “Yes you do.”

And he said it with such conviction, that for a moment Kaneki was tempted to believe him.


End file.
